Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
