I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
