What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
