You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
