oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
