I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
