Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
and eventually we just all took our pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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