The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
