3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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