i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
