Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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