i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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