I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
