I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
