Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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