dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
