Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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