I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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