drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
