Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
