the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
