tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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