I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
