Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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