i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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