Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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