please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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