Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
