I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
