i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
