I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
