whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
