You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
