Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
