I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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