I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize