He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
