will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
