Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
