if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
