operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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