Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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