New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
