Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
