Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
