so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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