things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so let's talk penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
