I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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