Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
