i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
