My liver just broke up with me...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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