At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
