I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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