Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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