So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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