Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
im six kinds of drunk right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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