Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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