I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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