that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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