Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
