Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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