It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
