My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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