you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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