Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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