youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize