Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
