You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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