when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
