yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i believe in u and ur pee
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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