I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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