how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
