dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
