I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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